Above Rubies Part 3: Spiritual Abuse
- mercynotsacrifice
- Feb 16, 2019
- 4 min read
Updated: Jul 23, 2020
Problem #3: Spiritual Abuse
A practical problem with “giving God control” of family size is the irresponsibility it promotes. Don’t have the finances for another kid? Becoming pregnant would threaten your life or the baby’s life? The demands of motherhood are harmful for your mental health? Stretched too thin and your existing children would be adversely affected by additional responsibilities being placed on their parents? Just trust God! It’s as if nothing bad ever happens if you a) have enough faith and b) are following “God’s perfect will” for your life.
Spiritual abuse happens when someone in authority (often self appointed) uses God or the Bible to control others for their own ends. It’s uniquely evil in the way they position God in the victim’s mind as the one doing the harm. Jeff VanVonderen, author of a few relevant books on the subject, defines it like this: “Spiritual abuse occurs when someone in a position of spiritual authority — the purpose of which is to ‘come underneath’ and serve, build, equip and make God’s people more free — misuses that authority by placing themselves over God’s people to control, coerce or manipulate them for seemingly godly purposes which are really their own.”
In the quotes from Nancy below, I hope you notice the amount of spiritual manipulation woven through them.
“Every child is a blessing. Even when you think you cannot afford to have another child. God stands behind His Word. He promises to provide for every child He gives. … Who do you trust most? Your finances or God?”
“The Scriptures are very clear that God will provide food and clothing for His people who walk in His ways and who trust Him.”
“Many parents decide not to have any more children because they think they will not be able to provide for them. They not only think of providing for their food and clothing but for their future. Jesus commands us not to worry about these things for He has promised to provide them for us. To be concerned and worry about it is in direct disobedience to the words of Jesus. We are either walking in obedience to His words or in disobedience. It is amazing that most of the church walks in disobedience to the words of Jesus.”
“‘Can God provide for us?’ ‘Can God provide for another baby?’ When we ask these ‘Can God?’ questions we openly state that we do not believe God is who He says He is. We actually speak against God. How can we call ourselves believers if we do not believe? It is hypocrisy.”
“However, there are times when serious medical complications can arise. What should we do in these times? Give in to the diagnoses and advice of the medical profession - or trust God?”
“Some mothers say, ‘I’m only interested in quality, not quantity’ and so they limit their children so they can supposedly give more to the one or two they choose to have. This is a false conception. As her two children grow and go off to school, she is mothering less and less and looks to find fulfillment elsewhere, often going out to work and establishing herself in a career. And so her children receive less of her time. Whereas, when a mother has another baby and suckles the babe at her breast, prolactin kicks in and the motherly hormones charge through her system again. Not only does her baby benefit from this loving hormone, but her whole family. The love and nurturing spreads out to all her children. This is how God keeps the mother protecting and delighting in her children in the home.”
This area is an example of where the ministry claims to encourage and uplift mothers, but one has to wonder how that’s possible when they are also placing undue burdens on them at the same time. Further, is telling doubtful Quiverfull women that they are doing the right thing really wise? If they are questioning their choices, it’s for a good reason, and those reasons need to be validated, not dismissed.
It is my belief that God uses our own responsibility as a means of providing for us. If you believe God is going to bail you out, does that make deliberately doing something you know to be foolish a wise choice? This logic is dangerous when taken too far (and it often is: see faith healing), and where does it stop?
Additionally, the Bible says that those who fail to provide for their household actually “have denied the faith” (1 Timothy 5:8). Part of providing for your children is having the self awareness to know what you can afford (and handle). Christians choosing having more children than they can pay for is just another name for living beyond your means. It is selfish, because it is putting your desires above the needs of your family members. It is not spiritually edifying either — we have a parent/child relationship with God. The mentality that Above Rubies is pushing creates a dynamic of a child taking advantage of the goodness of the parent and failing to manage what he has been entrusted with.
Other posts in this series:
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